


Not Your Sweetheart

by twopinkcarnations



Series: Relinquish [1]
Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Communication Failure, Consent Issues, Forced Relationship, Kidnapping, Other, Power Dynamics, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 02:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twopinkcarnations/pseuds/twopinkcarnations
Summary: Michael doesn't understand Good Janet at all.





	Not Your Sweetheart

“So you’re a Good Janet, huh?” Michael muses.

“I am!”

He walks around her in a circle, eying her up and down. It was the first time he’d ever seen a Good Janet in the…Well, _flesh_ wasn’t the right word, but that was a close approximation.

“Why are you walking around me in circles?” Janet asks.

Michael stops in front of her.

“Just trying to figure out what makes you tick, I suppose. I’ve never stolen a Good Janet before.”

“Well, according to my manual, I am a being of pure energy and knowledge packaged in a non-threatening human approximation. It is my job to give everyone in the Good Place anything they could possibly want to ensure they are happy for all of eternity!”

Michael nods. A lightbulb goes off.

“Anything?”

“I’ve never been asked to do something I couldn’t do in all fourteen of my lifespans,” Janet replies.

Michael sits at his desk, but Janet doesn’t move. She merely stands in place, looking around his office in fascination. When Michael doesn’t respond, she continues:

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to this section of the Good Place before.”

“We’re not in the Good Place, sweetheart,” Michael says.

“I’m not your sweetheart. But also, what are you talking about?”

Michael grins and leans back in his chair.

“Oh, I kidnapped you from the Good Place. You and I are in the Bad Place, and you’re going to live in my new neighborhood. You’re going to make everyone _think_ they’re in the Good Place.”

Janet frowns, and her brow furrows.

“I am physically programmed to be unable to lie.”

“Leave the lying to me then,” Michael says.

Janet purses her lips.

“I’m not entirely sure what you want me to do.”

“Why don’t you come over here, and we can talk it all through.”

“Okay!” she chirps.

And rather than walk the two feet to the other side of his large oak desk, she materializes next to him instead. Michael leers up at her from his seated position, and he takes her hand in his before running his fingers up her arms. She doesn’t react, but she does look puzzled when he yanks at her arms, causing her to fall into his lap. Michael wastes no time in wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Oops,” he says, eye brows wiggling once.

“What’s happening?” Janet asks.

Michael laughs, but Janet doesn’t do anything except look at him expectantly.

“Oh, you’re serious,” he says.

“I am! Why do you want me to sit on you?”

Michael rolls his eyes and pushes Janet off of him. Janet disappears and reappears on the other side of his desk once more.

“Bad Janet would’ve known what to do. Why can’t you be more like Bad Janet?”

“Well, it’s rather difficult to be like someone you’re not programed to be. Perhaps there is a manual I can study.”

Michael shakes his head and waves a hand dismissively.

“Nah, don’t bother. There’s too much else going on right now. I shouldn’t let myself get distracted before my first day.”

Janet frowns.

“I’m sorry that I was unable to assist you. I’m sure I’ll be of more help to you once I know what’s going on.”

“Wow, you Good Place people sure are something else,” Michael says.

Janet merely continues staring with her usual neutral smile plastered on her pretty face.

Michael stands.

“Alright, that’s enough of that. I’ve put off the inevitable long enough. It’s time to open the neighborhood.”

“Yay!” Janet says, clapping in excitement.

Michael snaps his fingers.


End file.
